Are you sitting comfortably? Probably not as comfortably as me because y’all aren’t resting your sweet cheeks on this CUSTOM PRICERITE L-SHAPED BITCH OF A SOFA which I’m giving away for FREE – that’s right FREE – the EXACT. RIGHT. PRICE.
Wanna have friends around? Can’t because your sofa ain’t got no room? I FEEL YOU but next week you have NO EXCUSE because you didn’t get your LAZY SLACK-JAWED ASS down to Aberdeen street to pick up this AMAZING MOTHERFUCKER of a sofa.
Watching a movie with your girl/boy/dog/laptop? SICK. Can’t put your feet up because your sofa is a STRAIGH LINE? SUCKS TO BE YOU. This mother all up in here is L-SHAPED so you can stretch your sweet calves all the way down although it’s not that long so your feet might hang off the end a bit but that don’t matter because you’ll FEEL LIKE AN EMPEROR.
Having a friend over? SWEET AS. Come get this sofa and you can ALL SIT DOWN. You can stretch out like a dog in the sun and then – THEN – your buddy can sleep his sweet ass on this sofa because it’s comfortable AS A BITCH.
It comes with CUSHIONS which are COMFORTABLE AS SHIT. There are holes in the arms where you can keep magazines or knick-knacks or your helper or your children or beer or whatever the hell you like. I don’t know how big they are but you could probably fit a SMALL CHILD in there WHATEVER.
Is there anything wrong with it? SURE, I’ve had it for two years. I once looked after a friends cat so some threads are loose. SUE ME. There are some nails sticking out of the feet but I bought plastic cups for those assholes which I’ll give you FOR FREE BECAUSE I’M AWESOME.
How big is it? This son weighs in at 170×215. It’s about as high as you’d expect I dunno. What does it matter. SOFA.
Okay I’m leaving next Wednesday. Hit me up. DO IT.