Associate Justice Antonin Scalia died a few short weeks ago.
I know we’ve all been pecking around for a way to immortalise the man, so I’d like to humbly suggest a change to the name of a popular programming language. I hereby present Scalia 1.0.
The Scalia language is defined by the principles of immutability and strict compliance with the spec. Inheritance is not taxed, but assignment of values across states is subject to a small runtime cost. Scalia has a strong value system, and once a value is decided, there’s no changing it.
Implicits are out, obviously. In Scalia, we have no need for wishy-washy, namby-pamby resolution of dependencies. You either say what you mean, or you say nothing at all.
Similarly, there are no generics. Indeed, all types were enumerated once at language inception and there’s no need to think they were ever intended to change.
Visibility is extended with the ‘friend’ operator, which only takes a single operand – the Ginsberg.
Scalia’s chief operation is division, by which all other operations are implemented. The order of operations is explicit, in that Scalia will decide precedence on a per-use basis which may change over time, and without warning.
Contributions to the Scalia language will be rigorously protected by a code of conduct that protects every class of people that existed in 1744. Our societal values were decided then and, by God, we don’t need any new ones thanks very much.
Changes to the language specification are subject to a majority ruling by the language committee, with the language owner having one veto. The language owner can be changed once every four years through a simple majority of dangling chads.