STOP RIGHT NOW AND LISTEN TO ME
It’s 2015: we put a robot with lasers for eyes on Mars. There’s a black man in the White house. People are still watching Seinfeld reruns.
And the perfect hostel has been invented.
If God made hostels (and in a sense he did, right?) he’d see the Mountain View hostel in Sapa and be all like “Jesus, those guys did a better hostel than me, I really ought to step my game up” and then Jesus would be like “Dad, quit it and get back to saving the Jews”.
If there was a world championships of Fucking Awesome Hostels not only would the Mountain View hostel win hands down, they’d go next door to the dog show and win Best of Breed then head up the road and take the top three medals in women’s Curling even though their team was four men and a stray dog.
You know that thing about how there’s an asshole in every room and if you can’t figure out who it is, it’s you? Well, it’s the same if you head to Mountain View and don’t enjoy your stay, you jerk.
Does your hostel have a unicorn on the staff? Thought not. Mountain View does. You never see it but if you listen carefully you can hear it trotting around the place. It’s not all that friendly so they keep it in the kitchen but my breakfast was made by a unicorn and yours wasn’t. Maybe you need to rethink some life choices, yeah?
It’s 1pm and I haven’t had a drink yet, so I’ll leave you to it. Five stars, only because that’s the most I guess.