Talking politics with strangers in bars is dumb, and not only because it probably won’t get you laid. The thing is that most here people agree with most other people. Go back to apartheid South Africa, try saying “surely they’re not all that bad”, and see what happens – it’s the same, just without the … Continue reading Politics


“Over-easy sunny-up hard-scrambled soft-scrambled omlette boiled poached. How. Do. You. Want. Them?” I’m eating corned beef hash for breakfast in a diner in Hell’s Kitchen. My server is angry with me – either because I’m English or because I don’t know how to order eggs, but probably both. I thought “fried, please” was good enough … Continue reading Breakfast


My phone chirps at six am. I walk half-eyed to the bathroom, lean over the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I wonder if it’s too early to start plucking the grey hairs out of my beard. Too early in the day, for sure. I can be a morning person, but not the … Continue reading LHR/JFK


My little sister is having a baby, which is beautiful and amazing but really hits you where it hurts in terms of being an adult and getting your shit together, which I’m not at all and haven’t in the slightest. Right now my idea of forward planning is buying two cans of gin and tonic … Continue reading THE NORTH

Drug bust

I’d booked a premium economy flight back to London. The first time I flew back I’d gone total economy – where they make you sit on rocks and drink each other’s urine. The flight was packed and the reclining seat didn’t, and this was long before I’d discovered Valium, so I’d been awake the whole … Continue reading Drug bust